Schmooze and be schmoozed

It was the blended family’s first test run, would we be the Brady Bunch or guests on Jerry Springer?

On Tuesday night I attended the drinks to celebrate the union of Harper Collins and ABC Books. Even the invitation characterised it as a marriage with a male and female hand. The event was in the Quay Grand, overlooking Sydney Harbour - immediately marking it as an important occasion worthy of pre-GFC excess. As an ABC author I was meant to sit on the bride’s side. On arriving I was greeted with an ‘Oh you’re Bruno Bouchet!’ - the publicist did a very convincing job of persuading me she knew who I was which immediately made me feel important.
‘Now who do you know in there?’ With a reflective glass wall between where we stood and the other guests, it was a hard question to answer.

Delivering the parcel
‘Belinda Bolliger!’ she answered for me, remember the ABC children’s publisher. I was handed over to an assistant, ‘Deliver him to Belinda!’
Duly delivered and issued with wine I found myself in an ABC children’s authors enclave. Every time I tried to speak to someone different, fresh deliveries of more ABC authors arrived for Belinda. Eventually I spoke to a non-author, but even she was from the ABC, running the shops. She got embarrassed on learning I was an author as she had no idea who I was. She recovered brilliantly by knowing my books. ‘Isn’t it funny, adult books are usually sold on the author but children’s are sold on the title?’ she said. She was right, even JK Rowling is sold on the title.

Seek out the marketers
I plunged off to find the most important people to impress - the Harper Collins marketing department and found Emmeline, the beautifully named publicist in charge of The Trouble with Sauce, along with her fellow publicists .This was much better - I was surrounded by the groom’s family. We were chatting pleasantly when the doors were closed from the outside. It was time for speeches and clearly no-one was to leave.

The Godfather moment
I wondered for a moment that a helicopter was about to appear outside the window and spray the room with bullets. That didn’t happen, instead the CEO of Harper Collins, Michael Moynahan spoke and did so really well. I was a bit pissed by this stage so I was ready to be seduced, but he was a great speaker that clearly loved publishing. Belinda had prepped me on this by saying ‘He’s wonderful, he actually loves books!’ - a sadly rare quality in a publishing CEO. Michael’s short and effective speech was followed by Mark Scott, Managing Director of ABC Board. Less inspiring, he span the right lines for the occasion but was also quick about it. Strangely the scion of the evil Murdoch empire spoke with greater non-commercial passion than the head of Australia’s most beloved public organisation.

Let the blending begin
After the speeches, the serious mingling started. Speeches are a wheat from the chaff moment at funcitons. People that are only there because they have to be, can leave with impunity. Those that actually want to be there, stay. I stayed, finding people who knew people I knew: sales managers, editors, marketing people. I even spoke to Michael the CEO until Mark Scott dragged him off for a heavy private discussion outside. It was happening, the two parties were talking, getting to know each other and becoming one extended family.

Grab the bag
As the room thinned out I decided it was time to leave, mainly because the goody bags for the authors might run out. I had been briefed by the publicists to secure a Little Ted bag, much better than the Jemima bag. Little Ted came with a Moleskin notebook, the perfect present for an author. However the most impressive thing in the bag was the Welcome to Harper Collins booklet for new authors. Sent to every author the first time they sign with Harper Collins it featured what happens in the whole publishing process: editing conventions; what mark up symbols to use; the design and layout of books. Miracle of miracles it even included a guide to reading royalty statements. Finally I might actually understand a royalty statement!

Two thumbs up
This is the first time I’ve ever received such a publication and it was a delight - a simple easy item that really made you feel welcome. It capped off an evening that could not have been better engineered to have me walking away thinking lovely things about Harper Collins. Of course, I reserve the right to curse, swear and bemoan the shameless treatment of authors further down the track, but so far so excellent. Consider me blended.

Hot Little Hands

Here it is... well almost. This is the uncorrected proof that gets used for promotional purposes. I've had them for my books before but not without a colour cover. They were made for Lab Rats but I don't think the sales reps ever saw them. It's good to see it in it a physical form for the first time. It's now a thing, an object in the real world. However that means it's also an object that has to be sold, assessed, reviewed... discounted.

Right now is the moment of hope. The moment when I foolishly allow myself to think that this might be a success. I always hear something positive about the book at this stage - 'it's had great feedback', 'the sales conference was very excited', 'certain influential booksellers are very keen'. I get a bit carried away and light a candle of flickering hope in the maelstrom that is Australian publishing.

Leading Edge Title
This time round it's the news that The Trouble with Sauce is to be a Leading Edge book. Leading Edge is a buying group of independent book sellers. Each month they select a number of books which are offered at a slight discount and pushed within their stores. It tends to be known best sellers or books which are more suited to the 'independents' than to the big chains. I think I fall in the latter category. It's certainly a plus being on the list and apparently they don't often do ABC Books. This may be part of the new age of Harper Collins.

First rule of being a minor author: be nice to the reps
I found out about Leading Edge from one of the Harper Collins reps. In my relentless pursuit of self-promotion I engineered a lunch with him via one of the Allen and Unwin reps. It was like a informal handover, from the person who used to sell my books in, to the one who was just about to start. In Australia where there are lots of independent book stores and all books aren't sold on group deals, the reps still play an important role. Book stores listen to them so if they say stock Bruno's book, they probably will. Now, at least I know one of the reps selling my books, or more the point, he knows me. The manager of Kinokunyia was also there - again a big plus. He asked if I wanted to come and do a library talk with him in September. I said YES of course.

Second rule: Pity the Publicist
The big mistake Harper Collins have made in giving me a copy of the uncorrected proof is that it lists the contact details for the publicist on the back. Poor Monica - she's about to get flooded with good ideas and fabulous suggestions on a book for which she probably has about 2.5 hours of work allocated.

Love a good typo

This has to be the best typo I've come across in ages and, best of all, it's not one of mine! South Sydney Leagues Club, located in my neighbourhood is under renovation and is hoping to add a supermarket. The development application, submitted to council and available for public view, says the supermarket plans to run a takeaway café with some highly paid staff:
'The café will be run by a barrister employed by the supermarket.'
As one of my neighbours adroitly pointed out - 'I suppose that rules out suing them for serving bad coffee!'

Moving swiftly on - time for grown ups

It's finally happened - I've started writing the adult novel, the one where I try to be the best writer I can and move beyond being simply entertaining. So far I like my intro page. Going into the story it gets a bit "typical Bouchet" but I can work on that. For the present day parts I'm trying present tense narrative. I always hated that as a reader but for some reason I'm giving it a go here. I want the narrator to be discovering at the same time as the reader.

When we plunge into the past narrative (which is most of the book) I use past tenses. Haven't got to that bit yet.

It's nice to be finally on the way. This one has had more think time and more preparation than anything before. If it were a journey I have packed and repacked my bags, got out the maps, bought additional maps, cross referenced them. I'd have fretted about not knowing the exact route and doubted my orienteering's ability to find the best route.

After a few 4 am panics that I would never set off I had my 'just do it moment' and sauntered out of the door this morning pretending it were just a quick stroll. So far it's all quite fresh and exciting, the countryside is pleasant and I'm settling into my new hiking boots. I don't have any Kendal Mint Cake in my knapsack in case I do get lost. Perhaps this is a mistake, it's going to be a long trek across difficult country.

The final cover

In flurry of last minute activity, the cover has been finalised, the shoutline written, researched and approved, thank yous & dedications rushed through and packs for the book reps put together. Don't let anyone tell you that the book industry can't move fast when it wants to. So far so good with Harper Collins running ABC books. I get the sense that there's more people involved and active and I think there will be a more direct relationship with the reps. There will be for me as I've engineering meeting one Sydney rep for lunch next week. I plan to bribe shamelessly with alcohol.

Here's the final version of the cover. I like it, but when it's finalised I get nervous. It's easy to absolutely love the first versions because you know there's time and space for improvement, but when the invigilator calls 'pens down' that's it. GULP.

And the winner is...

Thank you to everyone who voted on the cover, left comments and gave me opinions on facebook. It was fantastic and very useful. I also canvassed the opinions of over 400 school children at Waitara Public School along with several young friends. Their favourite was No1, with No 3 not very far behind. Number 2 was a distant 3rd. Of course this clashes with the preference on here and at the publishers for Number 2.

I did like Number 2 but pointed out to the publishers that there were similarities to The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time. The typeface is virtually the same, the 3-part title-in-the-middle structure and the outline figure are quite familiar. I'm hoping my book will also be featuring "Winner Whitbread Book of the Year" on the cover.
The 'covers committee' at Harper Collins (yes they have a committee!) has now suggested going for Cover 3 with the tomato sauce to be more of a splodge and less of a Dexter-esque blood pour. The pills will be made to look more like capsules than the latest ecstasy tablet. I'm happy with this.

Judging a book by its cover
I've always maintained that this is perfectly possible and if you can't, something has gone wrong. I tested the case with one group of kids at Waitara. I showed them the covers without saying anything about the book and asked them what it was about. They said it was aimed at boys. Most said aged between 8 and 12, some said a bit younger, others older. They all agreed it was a comedy but was a little bit scary too. The book was about there being poison in food or about a boy who hated Tomato Sauce. One young boy developed quite an interesting plot about a boy who thought all the food he was given has something wrong with it and was scared of eating.

I could see how they could tell this from the covers. However they went on to say the book was set mainly in one place in Australia and it didn't move around very much. They were spot on, but I still can't see how they worked that out from the covers. Quite brilliant.

Manuscript Complete
I have completely finished writing the book with the final manuscript now submitted. I had a strange block on the final sentence. It just needed tidying up to make it clearer but I couldn't do it! It took me over 24 hours to fix. Talk about coming a cropper at the final hurdle. The last word is 'do'.

VOTE FOR THE COVER

One of the most exiting moments in releasing a book has arrived - the first concepts for the cover. When asked what I wanted on the cover of The Trouble With Sauce, I said ‘a splodge of tomato sauce on a school book’ so I’m pretty impressed with how the designer has run with that. Here are the three options. You can cast your vote in the column on the right. Please also leave feedback by clicking on 'comments' just under this post. ‘I like 3 but not the font’, ‘it looks like blood’, ‘They’re all a bit....’ or whatever you think.

Vote early! Vote often!

COVER 1


COVER 2


COVER 3

Let’s get pompous

In the many entertaining bits of bad writing I come across, pomposity is all too rare. It’s sadly lacking in the modern world. I do think it’s the most refined way to be up yourself and brash arrogant idiots would do well to focus on their pomposity. Santa Sabina College in Strathfield, Sydney might be a great place to learn, if their ‘Director of Human Resources,’ is anything to go by.
A friend recently submitted his resumé as a casual teacher for the school. Most schools simply call you when needed, some text or email to acknowledge your contact. Santa Sabina sent him this in the post. It’s on a stiff textured card. Look at the gorgeous fake hand-writing font, isn’t it tasteful? I can just see the Royal Doulton saucer on the wooden desk and the hand holding the cup with the little finger delicately poised out.
Does a school really need a ‘Director of Human Resources’? And if this director is so important why is she (I’m just guessing gender here, feel free to challenge) sending out cards saying she has passed someone’s details to herself. The language is delicious, ‘if a situation arises where your particular qualifications may be appropriate.’ It’s a school and my friend’s a teacher, what more appropriate qualification is there? He’s not a bricklayer asking for a job in knicker factory.

In the meantime: The Slap

I have to admit I don’t often read contemporary Australian fiction. This is particularly embarrassing at writers’ festivals when I have to keep answering ‘No’ to questions starting with ‘Have you read...’ Sadly I never get asked if I’ve read obscure 18th century gothic novels like The Mysteries of Udolpho when I could answer positively. It’s especially embarrassing when it comes to award winners. However I can answer ‘YES!’ to “Have you read The Slap by Christos Tsiolkas” and I even read it before it won the Commonwealth Writers Prize. I can also enthuse about it without reservation - it’s a brilliant book. A group of family and friends are gathered at a barbecue. You know from the cover that someone is going to slap a child and all hell will break loose. What’s great is that you just don’t know who right until the moment it occurs. It’s lovely piece of suspense. As the story of the slap’s aftermath progresses the author moves from one character’s perspective to another. I love that fact that Tsiolkas draws you into each of these characters. Even the ones that made me groan with annoyance when I discovered we were following them seduced me and became fascinating people I didn’t want to leave. It’s a gripping portrayal of contemporary Australia centred on a Greek family and the various people around them. For overseas readers who want to insight into a contemporary society completely different to one portrayed in soaps, news and Baz Luhrman TV ads, this will be an eye-opener. For Australians the book challenges our own prejudices - and not simply in terms of whether you think the slap is justified. That is, quite literally, just the beginning.

Next draft submitted

OK I have to admit after the paralysis of the feedback, I am very happy with the net result of the changes to The Trouble with Sauce: the lead have more depth and my evil headmaster is now a much more interesting character which readers might relate to in a strange way. It’s one of the magical things about writing and is that you can go in and change something early on in the book and then suddenly something else further along the track quite unrelated suddenly makes a lot more sense - it’s as if the new section earlier on was always meant to be there.

I did give my editor some feedback on the feedback - in a positive way, which he was grateful for. So yes I did get feedback on the feedback on feedback.