Filling time: film review

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

This is a film that demands some significant suspension of disbelief: that a man could survive a nuclear blast in a lead lined fridge, that there’s even such a thing as a leadlined fridge and that someone called Shia LaBeouf is an actor not a receptionist in a beauty parlour.

Once you get over those, you can sit back, enjoy the fun and count the number of theme park rides that could be based on the film. I got to about four. 

It is quaintly old fashioned. When the first lot of IJ films appeared they were a throwback to the old adventure series and movies. At the time there were very few action adventure movies so there was something fresh and different in their nostalgia. Now we’re awash with high octane adventure and action that, ridiculous as it is, seems more realistic than this Indy. This time round there is nothing new.

However nostalgia has never been so much fun. Harrison Ford still has it - it’s wonderful that there’s no pretending he’s young and even better that his love interest is his age (the most radical innovation of the film). Cate Blanchette is hilarious as the communist villain. Her accent sounds completely fake, but even real Russians sound fake when they speak English. She manages to inject a moment of real depth right at the end of film that suddenly gives her character a slight twist. It’s knowledge not power - and it’s her work rather than the script that delivers it.

The crystal skull of the title has a conveniently selective magnetic force, strong when the plot requires it, gone when it’s inconvenient - bit like the whole film - highly magnetic in parts.

Agent Agony

SHOULD I GET AN AGENT FOR MY BOOK?

I’d always thought I didn’t need an agent. I could negotiate directly with publishers myself and get as good a deal as they would AND then not lose 15% to them. However now that it’s not easy I’m beginning to wonder if I should revise my opinion. It would be nice to hand the manuscript over, say ‘here you deal with it, get me something fat and juicy.’ It would also be nice to have a bit of a champion, someone who might encourage me, tell me I’m fabulous, doing important work, making a difference to world. Every writer needs that and frankly I don’t think I hear it nearly enough. It would also be lovely to have someone standing by the queue of people at writers’ festivals as you are signing books putting post it notes with the correct spelling of the person’s name on each book. Some agents even do that.

HOWEVER, looking at the website of the two big literary agent companies in Australia it doesn’t seem like you’d get that. Have look and let me me know which you’d go with.

They’re all pretty scary and dictatorial in what they are NOT accepting.

Australian Literary Management (this one I imagine people crawling on their hands and knees. Sample pages burst into flame as they approach with anything even vaguely resembling a forbidden submission

Curtis Brown: their website isn’t too unfriendly. I think you’d get the ‘we loved it, but we didn’t love it enough’ approach.

Cameron Creswell - clearly thousands upon thousands of manuscripts have blocked the hallway they have been trapped in inside for 6 months and have to have food tossed in a first storey window. Poor things.

My chances?

I’m current writer with three well received adult novels with a ready audience of around 8 or 9000 and 4 children’s books under my belt with another kids book in production. Surely someone will take me on? I think I’m more scared of these agents than the publishers.

What now

I’ll be phoning Andy the ex-publicist at Hachette who’s a friend and pretty fantastic, for his opinion and recommendation. Also the wonderful, if horribly overworked, publishing editor at ABC Kids, Belinda for her advice.

The story so far

Ok you can’t be accused of tuning into the soap half way through the third season and annoying everyone by asking what’s going on, because this soap starts in about the 10th season. I began making a living from writing back in 1997 when I gave up employment, began freelance copywriting and then soon after began my first full novel. I had early success. Hodder Headline ( now called Hachette) took it up and published it 2000, The Beauty of Truth. It got lots of attention in Australia and sold well (around 11,000...I think). It was sold into the UK and disappeared without a trace (a long story, too long for background fill in).

Two published novels later (The Girls and French Letters) and things are different. There’s a different publishing director at Hachette (who fortunately still likes my work) but also a new 10,000 sales barrier. If they don’t think you’ll sell 10K, you’re out. I submitted a novel late last year - Crash Tactic - a male orientated action comedy which I must admit I loved writing. Heaps of fun. Bernadette, the publishing director liked it (hurrah!) and took it to the editorial committee. This committee ratifies the publishers and editors selection of books to publish. In the old days they did as they were told. Not now. Reading between the lines of my email from Bernadette they had a big bun fight, lots of people read it and ultimately ‘the marketing directors’ (her words) decided it would take too much to promote it sufficiently, so it was a no.

In the meantime I had also sent it to too other publishers. One, at Allen and Unwin liked it but thought Hachette was going to make an offer and so said no (this is probably an excuse as she hasn’t hammered my door now that Hachette has said no). Random House also liked it but were only looking for ‘serious thrillers’ right now. Boring!

I’ve exhausted my personal contacts so am now confronted with the fact that I have to flog the book elsewhere. I believe absolutely and utterly that it should be published and definitely has an audience. 

So the big question is:

DO I TRY FOR AN AGENT?

In the meantime #2: copywriting

All this time my real income has come from doing freelance commercial writing for ad agencies and marketing firms. It’s been the perfect combination, lucrative commercial work that gave me time for my not so lucrative creative output. Everything from Kia cars (you many remember those Kia Happy Deals TV commercials, I was partly responsible) to corporate brochures on solar water heating panels and a heck of a lot of leaflets on superannuation. In addition to be the source of food, clothes, mortgage and Apple products it’s also the source of endless amusement, frustration and downright ludicrousness.

In the meantime #1 Children's books

In the meantime I’ve had a few children’s books published through ABC kids. 

Captain Wetbeard, a first chapter book which has sold OK (teetering on the brink of earning out it’s advance at the 9 month mark). 

Dorothy the Dinosaur’s Rosy Tea Party. Written for the Wiggles I am credited as the author but I don’t get royalties (just a lump sum). This is sad it’s probably my best-selling book.

Lab Rats in Space - for 9-11 year olds this is the first book of 3 - a comedy space adventure. Released last, it had a mixed reception. A lot of booksellers didn’t like the cover so many didn’t stock it. However the few that did, did really well out of it and are keen for the next book. Despite poor overall sales, this persauded ABC to go with volume 2. It’s been written and it’s with them waiting for editing.

I’ve a couple of other concepts in the pipeline but no commitment on them. ABC books are going through major upheavals (of course!) so can’t commit to anything right now!