Still by the phone, debating hope v expectations

OK strictly speaking, ‘about a week’ has passed since I was told the agent would call in ‘about a week’. Were this the finance industry or any other industry it would be time to get annoyed but this is publishing so an ‘about a week’ notice issued at the start of June can reasonably last until the end of June. Still I’m having to do the ‘zero expectations’ mantra in the mirror. 

I do have a problem with the whole ‘having no expectations’ thing. Where do hopes fit it that? I can have no expectations. Expecting nothing is no problem. but how can you not ‘hope’ something will happen. It means you would never think about it happening and in doing that you would never seek it in the first place. Are people confusing ‘expectation’ with ‘hope’ when they say ‘no expectations’. It’s not expectations that get dashed, it’s hopes. So by saying ‘you should have no expectations and so you won’t be disappointed’ are people really saying don’t have any hopes? That’s impossible. What sort of a grim life would we live without hopes? I’d rather live with frustration and disappointment than without hope.

The whole waiting for the phone to ring is way too much like dating and wondering whether you’ve met the ‘right’ one to, the next potential boyfriend/girlfriend . When it happens it all happens quickly and easily as if it were the most natural thing in the world and you can believe how simple and straightforward, you’re never waiting for them to call you. When it doesn’t you wonder at the number of complete bastards in the world that never return calls.

Life in the harem

Given the relationship publishers have with their authors, perhaps boyfriend/girlfirend isn’t the right analogy. Publishers are more like sultans with harems. Some publishers have lavish harems with many writer wives, supported in luxury. Others are less wealthy and can only afford small harems with a limited number of wives.

Inside the harem some wives deliver strong and healthy sons and so are loved, some deliver children of great beauty, others amuse and entertain. All compete with each other for the sultan’s attention and affections. When it is your turn with the sultan, when your book is about to published you are lavished with attention, you feel the stars shine for you alone. However when your ‘night of passion’ is over, the month you book is released is gone, then he is onto the next wife showering her with the attention that was yours. The better the result of your ‘night of passion’ with the sultan, then the more times the sultan wants you back. The sultan demands to see you every year if possible. If the night of passion fails to deliver a strong and health profit then the sultan doesn’t want to see you so often. You have to lure him with promises of great stories and wonderful results. A night of passion without the desired result and then your position in the harem is unsafe. The sultan’s tastes change, he seeks fresh companions with new charms. Sadly sultans in Australia are reducing their harems, no longer voraciously seeking new wives, they are happy to settle down with their existing ones, the ones they know and trust. It’s not a good time to be concubine. Inside the harem you constantly fear being thrown out. Outside the harem you fear you may never be allowed in one again as you look longingly at the walls. You may have been powerless, you may have complained bitterly about being used but when the sultan loved you, it was magical, intoxicating. You didn’t care if he was loving a dozen other wives at the same time with a dozen more to follow next month, it became what you lived for. Living without it is cold and lonely. The stars are shining for someone else now.

Agent Agony

SHOULD I GET AN AGENT FOR MY BOOK?

I’d always thought I didn’t need an agent. I could negotiate directly with publishers myself and get as good a deal as they would AND then not lose 15% to them. However now that it’s not easy I’m beginning to wonder if I should revise my opinion. It would be nice to hand the manuscript over, say ‘here you deal with it, get me something fat and juicy.’ It would also be nice to have a bit of a champion, someone who might encourage me, tell me I’m fabulous, doing important work, making a difference to world. Every writer needs that and frankly I don’t think I hear it nearly enough. It would also be lovely to have someone standing by the queue of people at writers’ festivals as you are signing books putting post it notes with the correct spelling of the person’s name on each book. Some agents even do that.

HOWEVER, looking at the website of the two big literary agent companies in Australia it doesn’t seem like you’d get that. Have look and let me me know which you’d go with.

They’re all pretty scary and dictatorial in what they are NOT accepting.

Australian Literary Management (this one I imagine people crawling on their hands and knees. Sample pages burst into flame as they approach with anything even vaguely resembling a forbidden submission

Curtis Brown: their website isn’t too unfriendly. I think you’d get the ‘we loved it, but we didn’t love it enough’ approach.

Cameron Creswell - clearly thousands upon thousands of manuscripts have blocked the hallway they have been trapped in inside for 6 months and have to have food tossed in a first storey window. Poor things.

My chances?

I’m current writer with three well received adult novels with a ready audience of around 8 or 9000 and 4 children’s books under my belt with another kids book in production. Surely someone will take me on? I think I’m more scared of these agents than the publishers.

What now

I’ll be phoning Andy the ex-publicist at Hachette who’s a friend and pretty fantastic, for his opinion and recommendation. Also the wonderful, if horribly overworked, publishing editor at ABC Kids, Belinda for her advice.

The story so far

Ok you can’t be accused of tuning into the soap half way through the third season and annoying everyone by asking what’s going on, because this soap starts in about the 10th season. I began making a living from writing back in 1997 when I gave up employment, began freelance copywriting and then soon after began my first full novel. I had early success. Hodder Headline ( now called Hachette) took it up and published it 2000, The Beauty of Truth. It got lots of attention in Australia and sold well (around 11,000...I think). It was sold into the UK and disappeared without a trace (a long story, too long for background fill in).

Two published novels later (The Girls and French Letters) and things are different. There’s a different publishing director at Hachette (who fortunately still likes my work) but also a new 10,000 sales barrier. If they don’t think you’ll sell 10K, you’re out. I submitted a novel late last year - Crash Tactic - a male orientated action comedy which I must admit I loved writing. Heaps of fun. Bernadette, the publishing director liked it (hurrah!) and took it to the editorial committee. This committee ratifies the publishers and editors selection of books to publish. In the old days they did as they were told. Not now. Reading between the lines of my email from Bernadette they had a big bun fight, lots of people read it and ultimately ‘the marketing directors’ (her words) decided it would take too much to promote it sufficiently, so it was a no.

In the meantime I had also sent it to too other publishers. One, at Allen and Unwin liked it but thought Hachette was going to make an offer and so said no (this is probably an excuse as she hasn’t hammered my door now that Hachette has said no). Random House also liked it but were only looking for ‘serious thrillers’ right now. Boring!

I’ve exhausted my personal contacts so am now confronted with the fact that I have to flog the book elsewhere. I believe absolutely and utterly that it should be published and definitely has an audience. 

So the big question is:

DO I TRY FOR AN AGENT?