The ex got in touch - they’re throwing my stuff out!

It’s always a bit awkward when you hear from an EX, as I did last week. Hachette wrote to me. French Letters (B format) is soon to be out of print. Hachette are disposing of the remaining 140 copies. I can buy them at $2.30. It’s sad but better than what happened to Beauty of Truth which got pulped without anyone “realising” and without me having an opportunity to buy. Ironically Hachette only found out about the pulping when some stores tried to reorder, couldn’t and so contacted me to find out why. 

I feel OK about this but I am a little puzzled. My understanding of my last royalty statements suggests there were far more than 140 unsold copies of French Letters lying around the warehouse. I’ve asked politely for an explanation because it sounds like I sold more than I thought. That can’t possibly be right.

Hopefully it will shed some light on what the figures on a royalty statement actually mean. I can never work them out. All I ever seem to glean from them is that stock has been returned without stock being sent out to the extend that they have more returns than they printed in the first place.

Kids say the darnedest things

Children’s Book Week spilled over into this week as I crammed school visits in and skirted very close to several book parades where the children dress up as characters from books. For 90% of the kids this means a Disney Princess or Spiderman, but with any luck one school may have ended up with a Captain Wetbeard or Zed, the boy with a third arm.

Tintin and the ill-read teacher

Most schools are great but every now and again you come across one that just seems bemused by the whole idea of authors and books. At one school this week, the younger kids really struggled to think of a fairy story that we could twist together. Even when I pointed to the girl dressed as a Disney Princess for the book parade I still got blank faces. It may have been to do with the kindy teacher who was so scary she even cowed me into silence. Going by her reaction, not sitting on your bottom is an offence akin to slapping a teacher. 

Perhaps the kids’ lack of imagination may have had something to do with her. She got the kids to say what costumes they were in with the delightful words ‘and who are you meant to be?’ One boy had really made an effort, he had eschewed the bought superhero costume and actually chosen a book character. ‘Tintin’ he answered. She simply shook her head, said ‘don’t know that one’ and moved on before I could shout ‘I do’.  I made a comment in my talk about how good his costume was, but I wish now I’d made a bigger deal of it. I remembered those times when I had my efforts dismissed so quickly at school. It would have been good to know that someone appreciated them, even if the teacher didn’t.

Fortunately there are plenty of moments that make up for ones like that.  There was the boy who kept asking Harry Potter questions regardlesss of the context.

Bruno: Who can think of a well known fairy story?

Boy: Harry Potter

Bruno: What would you do if you had a third arm?

Boy: Harry Potter

Bruno: Does anyone have any questions?

Boy: How many Harry Potter books are there?

Eventually the teacher had to explain that I hadn’t written those books (IF ONLY!). 

At another school a girl asked a question to which there is no satisfactory answer: 

‘How do you make your books small?”

A model student

After talking about Lab Rats, I always ask the boys what they would do if they woke up as a girl (and vice versa). In the fun schools the boys come up with ideas other than ‘kill myself’. This week, some would try make up, many would check out the girls toilets and in Menai one brilliant boy would become a contestant on America’s Next Top Model. Loves it!