I’ve escaped the daily word mill for a research and relaxation trip but it was a close run thing. The mill owners (copywriting clients) had my nose pressed into the loom, churning out bales of words until the last moment. Surely there’s some world UN labour ruling that a writer can’t be forced to churn out 4 superannuation brochure in one day. My fingers almost bled with the repeated typing of ‘save fees by rolling all your super into ...[insert name of fund]'. Just as I was heading out through the mill gates, cloth cap in hand I got summoned back to write an article on the one thing that makes superannuation look interesting - debentures, and not just debentures but an ‘exciting’ new tax ruling on debentures. I won’t bore you with an explanation of what debenture are, just that their are a very dull indeed. Given the number of pensioners that have them, it’s no coincidence that their name is just two letters more than dentures.
Still, I made it through the gates and to the airport for the escape.
In between word weaving I also managed to finish the next draft of Crash Tactic and send it off to the editor for comment. Of course my mind fantasises about her throwing her hands in the air in horror at not having spotted the genius first time and thanking the skies for this second chance to secure it. I shall feed on that fantasy when I wake at four in the morning. It’s a fake comfort but if it gets me back to sleep it's not entirely useless.
Prohibited Traffic Only
Returning to the UK, the place of my childhood is always fascinating. Something new that you never noticed before always crops up. This time, as we drove up from London to Newcastle on the M1 was just how enigmatic some of the road signs are. The one that really struck me was a blue permanent notice by the side of the motorway with a road going off: ‘Prohibited Traffic only’
I wondered, I am I driving a prohibited vehicle? If so why could only I go up there? It could have been a trap. Would a posse of police officers await around the corner to arrest me for being prohibited traffic? Then I thought if I wasn’t prohibited and I followed the sign, those very police would also get me for going up a ‘prohibited traffic’ way without being prohibited. Could anyone actually follow that sign and not get into trouble?
It reminded me of an old photo of my sister and an aunt showing bizarre street sign are nothing new. This was back in the 70’s and evidence of Britain’s readiness for alien invasion.
3 comments:
Hello! I never thought before about the link with dentures and debentures (actually unless I was writing about it I would probably worry if I *had* thought that before) but that did make me laugh lots.
I hope you are having a nice time in the UK - love that sign warning about 'visitors' - whatever did they mean? As for 'prohibited traffic' - what a great observation, you're right - who can use those roads? My favourite is still probably 'heavy plant crossing' - it conjures up such great imagery.
And I hope your editor loves the next draft of your book!
Or a cute one that always got a laugh when we took our annual family drive up the coast, "Koalas Cross Here at Night." To which we always replied, "Let's hope they wake up happier in the morning."
Better still is the story of an English teacher who was posted out the back of Bourke. That Koala sign was the jump-point for the creative writing component in his Year 10 General's English Exam. While practicing throughout the year, one student had managed to make every single story about his mates, some beer and their ute; whether the brief was 'the beach', 'caring for the elderly' or 'my worst nightmare'. For the Koala sign he managed to get his mates in the ute drinking beer, heading out on a camping trip. That night they went roo shooting but accidentally killed a koala instead. As they left camp the next morning they passed a sign, which one of them read out, "Koalas cross here at night." His mate laughed, shooting three holes in the sign as he replied, "Not anymore they don't!"
Footnote: The teacher would have given him full marks, except that it was supposed to be a creative writing exercise and he believed it to be a genuine news report.
Coming from the UK, I am still amused by the aussie "STOP! WRONG WAY" signs.
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